Planet Aden: Exchanges of Grief
It was during their makeshift supper that Allura noticed just how pensive Lotor was acting. Normally she didn't mind, but this evening it bothered her a little.
"Lotor?" Allura asked.
"Hm..?" He turned to her.
"You're not eating much." Allura pointed out.
"You're actually concerned?" He raised a brow.
"It's just that I would not like to see you sick." Allura replied as she took a sip of her water.
"Of course not. I need to be well for the Garrison firing squad don't I?" A bitter smile twisted his lips.
"The Alliance doesn't treat it's prisoners that way!" Allura said hotly. "We're not talking about DOOM."
"Really? Then WHY did you feel the need to rescue me from an obvious butcher?"
"Because even *I* have compassion!" Allura felt her temper rise.
"That's quite obvious, princess." Lotor turned his head to stare out into the evening sky. "I wonder if what you did was a blessing or a curse?"
"What sort of question is that?" Allura was taken aback.
"A rational one, my sweet. When we return, I'm sure I shall be duly taken to the authorities to answer for my many crimes, blind or not."
"It is only right." Allura pushed her plate away.
"So you say, but from the reception you recieved from your own ship, I would say that you would be sharing the same fate as I - if my father has anything to say over it." Allura saw his face darken.
"Your father no longer has any power." Allura said this with conviction although deep inside she knew differently.
"You really don't know my father, do you?" Lotor turned to her again. "He is a tenacious man and he won't give up power easily. From what you have told me, he is quite close to the seat of Alliance power - a machine that can be easily manipulated."
"Amalgamus is no mere machine, Lotor. He HAS led the Alliance - all nine hundred planets - into an era of peace."
"If I recall, my sweet, wasn't it Voltron -" His face twisted with anger. "Wasn't it Voltron that paved the way?"
"That was in war. I meant now." Allura said.
"Believe what you want, princess. But I doubt that your Amalgamus can withstand my father's trickery." He tapped his head. "I, at least understand my father somewhat."
Allura shivered, thinking about what Zarkon had nearly tried to do to her. As of late, her nightmares had re-occured, but she had never told Lotor.
"You've had nightmares of him, haven't you?" Lotor's eyes seemed to pierce her soul, even though she knew he could not see clearly in front of him.
"No, why would I?" Allura took a drink. She really did not want to discuss this with her longtime enemy. She jumped when Lotor banged his fist hard on the table.
"Because he nearly RAPED you, dammit!" Lotor was clearly angry now. "If I had not found you, he would have! He often told me he would every time I happened to fail to conquer that planet of yours. I know you've been keeping this from me. You think I don't hear you at night? I sleep across from your bunk, remember?"
"I'm not blind, Lotor!" She snapped before she thought of what she said.
"But I AM." Lotor's voice rose. "But I'm NOT deaf nor stupid. Things have changed, dear princess."
"They have NOT changed, Lotor!" Allura bolted out of her chair, her temper rising again.
"You still consider me a monster deep inside despite your fine words, don't you?" Lotor stood as well and Allura felt fear for his eyes were a LOT like Zarkon's.
"No - yes!" Allura blurted out. "You have NO remorse for all the countless people you've enslaved or killed! None!"
"And since WHEN can you read into MY thoughts, DEAR princess?" Lotor rounded the table, running his hand along the side. "You've never wanted to know me - the real me. I admit I was overzealous in my pursuit of you, but that was only because I wanted you so."
"Yes! You wanted me as a posession, nothing more!" Allura backed away out of old habit.
"And if I had said I loved you, would you have believed me? No, you would NOT!" Lotor was now facing her.
"It doesn't matter!" Allura was afraid but it wasn't of him exactly, it was what she was feeling.
"It DOES matter! You, who once said that love conquered all! Well, it conquered me long ago when I first saw you. I didn't know it was love. I only knew that I wanted you. When you eluded me time after time and resisted me, I still wanted you. When my father beat me and put me in the Pit of Skulls, I still wanted you. You've haunted my dreams for years because I wanted you! But it's more than that, my sweet. I love you. I always shall. I only regret what I have done because it drove you away."
"Oh no, don't lay it at my feet, Lotor." Allura said. "I never asked for your attentions."
"Does anyone ask for love? " He was still coming towards her.
"Stop it." Allura said.
"Stop what? Stop loving you? You might as well ask me not to breathe." Lotor stopped just short of her and then turned, trying to get his bearings. Without a word, he grasped his staff, which was nearby and went to the ship without a word.
Later that night..
She was in the Castle of Lions and it was her fifteenth birthday. Although Arus was at war with the Planet Doom, there had been a cease fire as of late and her father was actually in the middle of peace negotiations with King Zarkon. This, after their defender, Voltron, was split into five pieces by Zarkon's witch Hagar. Zarkon's overture for peace was quite unexpected by her father, who had been busily making secret plans below in his workrooms under the castle. But Alfor had always preferred peace to war, and Zarkon's overture would be a welcome one indeed. He had proposed an alliance - a partnership of sorts - and to show his good faith in Alfor and Alfor's good faith in him, he would arrive alone at the Castle of Lions to sign the peace treaty which happened to fall on the night of her party.
Allura whirled around in her pink ball gown. It was the first time her parents (and Nanny) had attired her in an adult gown. It flattered her soft curves and yet the pink material lent her an innocent air. She wore her hair down but pulled back at the sides, and for the formal occassion, she wore her princess' crown and matching necklace.
"May I say that you have a most charming and beautious young daughter, King Alfor" King Zarkon bowed to her as he took her hand. Allura resisted the urge to yank it away. She was a princess and she had to act like one, but oh she didn't LIKE this terrible looking man!
"Thank you, King Zarkon." Alfor beamed at her proudly.
Zarkon planted a kiss on her hand and Allura hid the grimace of distaste from her face. Zarkon, as if he could sense her distaste, smiled and said, "You are simply a little heartbreaker aren't you, my dear? You know I do have a son just a bit older than you. I think you would like him very much."
Allura's mother said, "That's quite kind of you, King Zarkon. BUT our daughter is much too young to think of marriage."
Zarkon straightened up and looked at her mother and father. "Nonsense. After all, we must think of our children's future, shouldn't we?"
"Yes of course." Alfor said. Changing the subject, he said, "Come, would you like a brief tour before we commence to signing?"
"I believe I would." Zarkon nodded and Allura was relieved that he was finally gone at last. It was certainly awful of Father to have him here at HER party! And ick! She certainly didn't want to marry Zarkon's son! Why he was probably as icky as his father was, if not worse.
And then from out of nowhere, men in gray armour - the colors of Zarkon's House - poured into the Castle of Lions and the slaughter began..
"No!" Allura shrieked. People were falling, blood everywhere as Zarkon's men fired their lasers at innocent people. Her mother was hit but she quickly took Allura's hand, disregarding her own injury.
"Mother! You're hit!" Allura saw the growing stain of blood on her mother's side.
"Never mind! We've got to reach your father and Coran!" They headed towards the double doors that Alfor and Zarkon had departed into when they flung open and Zarkon nonchalantly walked towards the startled mother and daughter. He carelessly flung her father's head to the floor and said, "Your husband is CERTAINLY not the swordsman.."
Her mother's eyes widened in shock. Allura could only stare at her father's head, too shocked to scream.
"It appears that you are injured, Queen Mariana.." Zarkon eyed Allura's mother. "Let me HELP you.." With that he quickly raised his bloodied sword. But instead of the sword crashing down on her mother, a beam of laser fire came from behind her, and shot a hole though her mother's chest. Mariana went down, her lifeless body hitting the floor. Allura looked down at her pink dress and saw her mother's blood upon it. She was still standing there in shock. This was her birthday. She just didn't see her mother die or her father's decapitated head on the floor, did she?
The laser fire had subsided for now and Zarkon looked at Allura, his eyes calculating. Everyone seemed to have disappeared except for the two of them.
"Well, that leaves YOU, my dear little princess. Such a sad thing - to lose your parents on what should be a happy occassion.." He sneered. Allura stood there, unable to say anything.
"Now what to do with you.." Zarkon came closer. "Yes, I think I shall wed you to my son.."
Allura blinked and then looked down again. Her mother's eyes were staring blankly out at nothing. She looked at her father's head. His expression was grim. They were - gone. She would never hear their voices again, never be scolded by her mother or given a hug. Never have their guidance or their love again. She looked up, her blue eyes widening. This monster, HE did it! He had taken them away! Allura's fingers suddenly curled into fists and to Zarkon's surprise she had launched herself at him, hitting, kicking and screaming her rage and hate at him. After his momentary surprise however, he flung her off of him and onto the floor, temporarily knocking the wind out of her.
"You think you can best ME, little princess?" Zarkon sneered as he knelt down. "I'm glad to see that you DO have spirit."
Allura struggled to get up but with one large hand, Zarkon pushed her down.
"However, we must tame that spirit.." He said lowly. "I think my son shall appreciate you once I have broken you in.." Allura's eyes widened in fright at Zarkon's leer.
"Don't be frightened, my dear. Perhaps you will even come to enjoy it." Zarkon's great hand reached up to touch her face and Allura felt his fingernail cut into her skin.
"NO!" Allura suddenly felt a renewal of strength. She KNEW what he was going to do, because her mother had told her of the facts of life years ago. She hit him, trying to get away, but Zarkon slapped her cruelly.
"YOU WILL OBEY ME!" Zarkon's hand suddenly went to her neck and started squeezing it tightly. Allura's hands flew up to try and pull them off but he was too strong for her.
"No, no..no..Mother..Father, help me!" Allura tried to cry out, but he was cutting off her air! His horrible face loomed nearer and nearer, and she could see just how old he really was. His yellow eyes glittered with both lust and with victory.
"They're DEAD, but I'll take care of you.." Zarkon laughed lowly as he ripped at her dress.
"Noooooooooooo!" Allura suddenly screamed as she felt his cold hand slip up her dress and then -
"Allura! Allura! Wake up!" She felt someone shaking her. She blinked and then she saw Lotor's shillouette in the darkness.
"L - lotor.." Allura shivered.
"Hush, now. I'm right here." He was beside her bunk, his arms around her.
"I - " Suddenly she started to cry softly.
"Allura.." Lotor's voice sounded pained as he stroked her hair.
She cried and she cried, holding onto Lotor for dear life and somehow he had managed to wind up in her bunk with her. He simply held her and let her cry, while his mind held bloody images of just what he would do to his father. Lotor was quite sure that he was alive although he wished he was not. When Allura had stopped crying, Lotor swung over to the side of her on her narrow bunk and held her from behind. Allura KNEW she should simply tell him to leave, but right now she didn't want to.
Lotor sighed. He loved this - holding her close. She fit so well against him and even though his arousal was obvious, she didn't pull away. He was not going to push THAT on her however. That was the last thing she needed from him.
"Tell me, Allura.." Lotor whispered softly in her ear.
"I - can't.." Allura shivered.
"Yes you can. You need to. If - " he paused. "If you tell me yours I shall tell you mine.."
Allura knew what he meant and something within her needed to tell him. No one else, not even the rest of the guys knew of what she had went though. Coran knew most of it, for he had been the one who had kept Zarkon from going though with his plan. Something in her heart told her that it was right to tell Lotor, though she didn't know why.
And so she confided in him and he confided in her. By the time they both fell asleep in each other's arms, they knew that they both shared a common grief.
Blind Faith - Chapter Twenty-six
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